SWAAD - FCSP Difficult Emotions

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Difficult Emotions

... when you care for a loved one.

When a family member becomes physically or mentally disabled, it is normal for caregivers and the care receiver to have strong feelings about the situation. Feelings are a part of being alive, and they are neither good nor bad. Some feelings, such as affection and joy, are more pleasant to experience than others, such as sadness and anger. But having unpleasant feelings doesn’t make anyone a bad person.

It is important to remember:

Emotions that are common among people who are providing care for a family member are resentment, grief, fear, anger, guilt, and depression. If you have these feelings, you’re not alone.
Mixed feelings are normal. You can feel loving and compassionate toward your family member and resentful at the same time.
Different people respond with different feelings to the same situation. Don’t let anyone tell you how you “should” feel about something.
Dealing with your feelings in a constructive way is essential to staying physically and mentally healthy.

Loss, grief and pain are sometimes expressed as anger. If the care receiver lashes out at you, it may be because he or she doesn’t know how to express the anguish of being disabled.

Take time to identify and accept your feelings:

Talk with a friend, spiritual advisor or counselor. It can help you understand your underlying feelings. Writing in a journal can also help.
If possible, talk with the care receiver about how you’re feeling, and encourage her or him to do the same.

Grief is a normal response to loss. When your loved one is disabled, you may both grieve for the losses that result from the disability, and you may also feel grief for the losses that you anticipate.

Resentment can result from giving a lot of care to your loved one while you get very little support, appreciation or nurturing. To be a good caregiver, you need to take care of yourself and protect your own health and well-being. Feeling resentment is a sign that you need to pay more attention to your own needs.

Fear often results from not knowing what might happen next, and worrying about the bad news that might be just around the corner. Educate yourself about your loved one’s condition so you will both know what to expect. And learn about resources that can help you deal with the situation so you will be ready to use those resources when you need to.

Anger is a normal response to losing something or someone we value. Anger can be expressed constructively, at the right time and place. And it can be expressed without blame. Recognize anger when you feel it rather than trying to deny it.

Guilt can arise from feeling that you aren’t doing enough for your loved one, but it’s important to be realistic about what is enough. Some people also feel guilty for having other feelings about being a caregiver, such as anger or resentment. Feelings exist, they are not right or wrong, and they need to be acknowledged.

Depression is common among caregivers, and it can be treated successfully.

Signs of depression include:

Inability to experience pleasure
Feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness
Difficulty concentrating and making decisions
Suicidal thoughts

Thoughts of suicide must be taken seriously. Get help right away, from a mental health professional or health care provider. Depression is treatable, and it does not have to be permanent.

Take care of yourself, so you can be a good caregiver:

Get enough rest and exercise.
Take time to do things that you enjoy on a regular basis.
Set limits on what you are willing to do.
Ask for help, and be specific about what you want others to do
Join a support group.
Stay in touch with friends, and avoid becoming isolated.

Please call the Senior Information & Assistance office closest to you for more information.